Hyo-do (효도): to be dutiful to one's parents

In my family, I would usually have the choice of what to eat for the day. That's because I'm usually back in Seoul for a short period of time. So before I leave, mom cooks me anything I want. It's nice to have such a privilege. But I realized that I was being a bit selfish. For all this time, they were eating what I preferred. I wasn't even thinking about whether they liked the food.

So I told them, “from now on, I will eat whatever you guys want to eat.” Turns out, they really wanted to eat seafood. I wanted to take back what I said.

Mom and Dad loves seafood. I, on the other hand, hate most seafood with a few exceptions (salmon, tuna, and mussels). I can recall the times when my parents were eating strange looking sea creatures sold at the local seafood market (click on the video to see what I'm talking about). I've tried tasting them many times but they always ended up back on the plate. However, I did taste the less icky ones and they tasted like nothing. I could only feel the texture of raw fish sliding against my tongue. How is it that my parents crave for such tasteless food?

I will probably never know. But I remained loyal to my initial decision. I wanted to show them my appreciation by comprimising my carnivorous diet. If they could go through a month without complaining about my love for meat, I should be able to do the same for their crave for seafood.

Adjusting to the needs of my parents is the way it's supposed to be in Korea. Parents' desire comes first and the children are supposed to fulfill it for them. In Korea we call this hyo-do (효도), which means filial piety or to be dutiful to one's parents.

In general, I agree with the notion of hyo-do. I agree that children should thank and appreciate their parents for loving them. That’s just common sense. And children should fulfill basic obligations towards their parents. After all, families are there to appreciate and help each other unconditionally.

On the other hand, hyo-do in terms of giving up your dreams to satisfy your parent’s desires is too extreme. We all have our separate paths to walk in life. If someone is preventing you from going forward, you might want to rethink the relationship you're in. However, if your parents are sick with something serious, that’s just something you have to deal with. You can’t just leave them alone when they are in desperate need of help. That’s just inhumane.

Fortunately, my parents views on hyo-do are in synch with mine. However, most Korean families still seem to maintain such irrational ideals of hyo-do. Maybe that’s why so many people in Korea are unhappy: because their parents keep them on a short leash.